Ebay Description Win

 Running around eBay, I find all sorts of weird and wonderful things that no one else seems to want. This one though. This was possibly the best way to try and shift your unwanted shit that I've ever seen on eBay.

On a listing titled "Instant-Abs Abdominal exercise machine" there are the typical home-taken photos with over-exposing flash and then the description, which would usually include info about it's size, weight etc. But in this case...

:B

Plants V Zombies: A Tribute Not a Review

Plants V Zombies (PopCap; Version 1.9.5)
Price: £0.69p

This is not going to be a review in the average sense. I am a massive fan of this game and do believe that anyone who owns an iPad, phone capable of playing this game or PC should play this game before they get too old to remember what a zombie is (Which nearly sums up all of the population who matter)

Plants Vs Zombies is a tower defence action
game that has won multiple awards for its damn fine everything. The game is quirky, very playable and will have you hooked within minutes. You play as the owner of a household being invaded by zombies with your only defence an army of wild and wonderful plants that shoot stuff.

In a massive range of levels, mini-games and adventures zombies are thrown at you with increasing difficulty and the aim is to keep them from stealing your brains and chowing down. The boss levels are hard enough to take more than one turn but not so difficult it'll have you wanting to stab yourself in the face with a compass.

The graphics are so easy to get on with for hours at a time, the animations smooth and suitable. The game is also "narrated" by the famous character "Crazy Dave". This guy is as says on the tin- pretty crazy. He will guide you through the game and every so often throw an extra mini-game in for you too keeping the game play varied and enjoyable throughout.

You can play a free demo of the game here, on the popcap website if you're not already taken- otherwise, for less than a pound you can keep everyone happy- ranging from the bouncing baby brat, up to grouchy grandma and the dog.

Salt Rating (Goes without saying)

5/5

Funniest Thing on the Internet So Far??

When things on the internet make me "lol" I tend to smirk briefly and move on.

But this. This had me in full on, PMSL-ing fits.

FITS I TELL YOU.

I can't believe it took me this long to finally watch it.

There's also the bloopers video;

Boredom Cure (For Around 10 Minutes, Atleast)

http://www.pointerpointer.com/

Some of you may have seen this before, but if you haven't go ahead and click on that link. I'm firstly sorry for any coursework you had to do before clicking and secondly--- "You're welcome"

:B

Injustice: Gods Among Us- Finale Voted Ending (SPOILERS)

That's it! Results are in, after 500,000 votes- we have the spectacular finish.

Batman Vs Superman- Who do you think won? Who cares, the video will tell you!!

I think the right man won. Do you?

iPad Review: "What's the Picture?- Reveal the pic and guess the word!"

"What's the Picture.." (Itch Mania; Version 2.0)

With a similar concept to "Four Pics, One Word" but a little harder in my experience, this free app is a boredom buster of a mediocre standard. Although it runs well on my iPad 2, it has a fixed portrait orientation which can be annoying especially if, like me, a majority of apps have a landscape option (usually the default). My case also only allows comfortable gaming in a landscape position (not a problem everyone encounters if you have a 360 case like this).

The game isn't quite dripping in adverts but more dotted by them like genital warts. Gameplay has been thought through, though not original, but eventually it does get boring. You may find yourself only completing each level by 50% so to get onto the next and find a challenge, though one never comes. Overall the game may be a little more suited to younger ones. The three gameplay categories to choose from; 'Classic' (A bunch of random pictures), 'Animals' (From common to exotic) and 'Food and Cooking' (Tip: ask your mom for help) [Words there from the game itself.] do give the game some variety but the constant ease of all the levels is frustrating and keeps it from being a game to get hooked on. There is a small degree of persuasion to spend real money on coins that can be used to "reveal letters" or other such abilities [pay money to get money... whut] which essentially make a very easy game easier.

Bright, attractive look and bold, primary layout that's easy on the eye and something else that will appeal to children, until they realise that flicking bogies at their brothers and sisters is more fun. Or just a quick ten minute blast on Angry Birds.

Sorry, "Itch Mania", there was nothing 'manic' about your game, and like an itch, I just wanted it to go away.

I give this boredom-enhancing game a 1/5 Salt Rating.

iPad Review: Cutie Hair Salon

Cutie Hair Salon (Kurtis Atkinson; Version 1.0)

There's a reason there was only ever 1 version of this game. Even for the age group it was intended, it was crap.

The graphics weren't bad, they're bright and colourful. The "model" has wide eyes without looking creepy or stoned and is fair to share company with for the 30 or so seconds it takes to play the game. I wish that was an exaggeration... it's not.
The game consists of you being told to use a shampoo, then being told to rinse it out, choose a style, cut and style the hair and then share it on Facebook. Sounds ultra-boring? It is, and there's no way of making it any better.
The shampoo doesn';t change, the "shower head" doesn't change... the only choice you get in the whole game is the hairstyle and it doesn't make it any more fun.

I downloaded this app for review because it was in the top "free app" chart. Whoever decided this app deserved that position needs a slap in the face. With a chair.
Even for children half my age and younger would get bored of this game faster than they could lose a penny up their tiny noses.

This unfinished concept needs a lot of work before it can be classed as a playable game.


Salt Rating: 1/5

Saver: The Robot From the Future for the Future

When I signed up for university to do a degree in Primary School Education; this is exactly what I signed up for.

Paper macher robots, entry-level electronics and painting.

 I got his china boots from poundland, they were to weigh him down and to give him suitable feet (You try making robust robot feet). I painted them grey and put a bit of glitter glue on them. My favourite part of his boots was the fact that the little "jet thrusters" on either boot come together in the middle into a "V" shape that matches the "V" in "Saver". I'm a genius (It was a cheeky accidental bonus)

 His head was a paper mache-d balloon, his eyes- some plastic Easter eggs cut in half with holes in them (sticky-back plastic over the holes to give it a clean finish) His body was oven-mats pinned into place with paper clips and then heavily paper mache-d into the shape seen. The little orange button was another plastic half-egg placed over a hole in the body and the arms were a long cardboard tube halved, squashed and cut into hands at one end.

The lights were cheapy ones from poundland and were all powered by a USB pack on his back.

iPad Review: The Silent Age

The Silent Age (House on Fire; version 1.2) 

This post-apocalyptic game will have you play through the first part in a day without stopping. The graphics are stunning, the actions are well thought-out, the story line is fast moving and engaging. Every thing's a massive mystery at the moment, the only things we do know is that, Joe, our character (who you play as) has been teleported into 2012 where everything appears to be dead, and you need to work out why. The guys who developed the game write the story like this;

"It’s 1972. Love is free. Flipflops, English leather and bandanas are the height of fashion. Meanwhile the Cold War is more than lukewarm and a real one is going on overseas. Movements are happening. Environmentalists, the female liberties movement, and on the dance floors an entirely different kind of movement is overtaking the underground clubs. The winds of change are certainly blowing over the country.
Somewhere in the big city, in a tall, faceless government building someone left a window open. All the winds of change are doing here is blowing leaves all over Joe’s newly-swept floor. He’s been there for two years now. Working a dead-end attendant job making sure the building is as spotless as the suits walking the halls. It’s been like this for years, going from one soul-devouring job to the next.
Our protagonist is Joe in more than just name. He is quite literally Joe Average. Average height, average weight, average IQ. In fact, the only thing remotely remarkable about him is exactly how much he conforms to the median of the hypothetical everyman, and up until this point, Joe’s life hasn’t exactly been biography material. This is all about to change.
One morning while tending the floors, Joe is suddenly confronted by a mysterious dying man who is seemingly appearing out of nowhere. The man warns him that a terrible event is about to occur and pleads him to save mankind. As the man draws his last breath, he hands Joe a portable time travel device to aid him on his quest.
It isn’t long before Joe activates the device and is confronted by the truth. The mysterious man was right: 40 years into the future mankind has become extinct. Stuck between a desolate future and a present where he is largely ignored, it is now up to our accidental hero to find out what has happened and how to prevent it in order to save mankind."

I love the game, I love it's simplicity and the gameplay and how everything seems to be interactive with everything else! The first part is free, and the guys behind this genius kit are currently raising money for part 2! You can donate here.

I give this game a 4/5 salt rating:

This "Salt Rating" is a thing now. When I find something in need of a rate, I will give it something out of 5 Salts. 5 Being one of the best things in the world, 1 being... get out.