So next time you munch your way into some vanilla ice-cream (and sickeningly, also some raspberry stuff too) just check the back of the packet for Castoreum.
and thank the beaver.
What do you mean "Milking season"? Where are you putting that hand?!
Sitting at home, watching Britain's Got Talent (We all know it hasn't) the final and what should happen but an unwanted guest on stage of the act that came 3rd.
Natalie Holt, a former contestant on the show had held the personal vendetta for a full year before appearing again this year and pelting Simon Cowell with eggs from the stage. She grinned like a psycho and had quite the throw on her, to be fair.
She even dressed for the occasion in a little black number.
Simon was reported to have had to change his shirt and after a cigarette was "Comforted by a female friend"... Best way to get over being egged; a fag and a quicky. Love it.
Anyway, the papers pretty much covered all of the best shots of it, here's one I nabbed, but do check out the links for any further info;
Tattoos are hard. They make you look hard.
You get them to look cool, to fit in, to show your love for a loved one (Not recommended unless married with children), you get them to remember an important event, to remember someone who's died, to flash off a witty slogan that tells people about you and mostly- you get them when you're drunk.
All of these different tattoos all have one thing in common that stop a lot of people from getting one; "What if I get bored of it after a few weeks?"
What if the day you decide to get a tattoo you are in love with Justin Bieber and then a few weeks after you see sense?
What if you ask for a tattoo of your baby and get this;
Well now some clever bastards have come up with a clever device to conquer these fears.
Introducing; The moodINQ Programmable Tattoo
What it doesn't mention here is also a list of the places licensed to sell and implant the magical patch under your skin for you too. Apparently they're everywhere.
I was going to make this a massively long post about how innovative it is, and how sensible and how I had never considered a tattoo before now, but I would totally go for this one.
Browse the links littered around this post and try and work out why I'm cutting it short and grumbling into my pasta.
Because I worry you might be looking at me with that look you do that means you're angry but too polite to say so.
But I'm not going to apologise. APOLOGIES ARE FOR THE WEAK. (I don't believe that)
Yep, so this happened. (Love the little heads up on the bottom of that photo.)
A kid decided to lob a triangular flapjack into another kid's eye and as a measure to protect future children from the murderous snacks, the school in question has made it against regulation to allow triangular flapjacks, they will now only serve square flapjacks.
I've heard the phrase "Health and safety has gone mad" but this is getting stupid now, guys.
Also- I'd like to know if anyone has sat down and told whoever made this earth-shattering decision that if a child breaks a square flapjack in half... it would make a triangular flapjack. To avoid this, of course, you could employ "Flapjack police" that would stand in any and every eating area of the school and as soon as a flapjack becomes a triangular shape, they have permission to seize and destroy the weapon before any harm is done.
Also, just the last problem I have with this; I didn't learn too much from primary school. I learnt the basics, y'know- how to use scissors, colouring inside the lines (I was never good at that), the fact there was a difference between a zebra and a zebra (pronounced the American and British way, I genuinely thought they were completely different creatures that looked similar. That's what American television does to a young child)
and amongst this invaluable knowledge, I also learnt there were three corners on a triangle and in fact four on a square.
They think three corners were lethal, now they've just increased the number of corners to do damage by 33.3'%
Maybe the person who decided this just wants to achieve the Guinness world record for most court cases over flapjack-related incidents.
On a related note- A supermarket chain has been forced to remove 300 packets of peanuts from it's shelves because... get this... they didn't have "Warning: May Contain Nuts" written on them.
I can't sum this story up as well as Russel Howard can (Explicit, not one for when the younger sibling is around);
