Baby Badgers and Flapjacks

So I've just finished watching baby badgers on a live web cam feed. Adorable.

First, I want to lighten your mood with this;

Because I worry you might be looking at me with that look you do that means you're angry but too polite to say so.
But I'm not going to apologise. APOLOGIES ARE FOR THE WEAK. (I don't believe that)

Yep, so this happened. (Love the little heads up on the bottom of that photo.)
A kid decided to lob a triangular flapjack into another kid's eye and as a measure to protect future children from the murderous snacks, the school in question has made it against regulation to allow triangular flapjacks, they will now only serve square flapjacks.

I've heard the phrase "Health and safety has gone mad" but this is getting stupid now, guys.
Also- I'd like to know if anyone has sat down and told whoever made this earth-shattering decision that if a child breaks a square flapjack in half... it would make a triangular flapjack. To avoid this, of course, you could employ "Flapjack police" that would stand in any and every eating area of the school and as soon as a flapjack becomes a triangular shape, they have permission to seize and destroy the weapon before any harm is done.

Also, just the last problem I have with this; I didn't learn too much from primary school. I learnt the basics, y'know- how to use scissors, colouring inside the lines (I was never good at that), the fact there was a difference between a zebra and a zebra (pronounced the American and British way, I genuinely thought they were completely different creatures that looked similar. That's what American television does to a young child)

and amongst this invaluable knowledge, I also learnt there were three corners on a triangle and in fact four on a square.
They think three corners were lethal, now they've just increased the number of corners to do damage by 33.3'%

Maybe the person who decided this just wants to achieve the Guinness world record for most court cases over flapjack-related incidents.

On a related note- A supermarket chain has been forced to remove 300 packets of peanuts from it's shelves because... get this... they didn't have "Warning: May Contain Nuts" written on them.
I can't sum this story up as well as Russel Howard can (Explicit, not one for when the younger sibling is around);

:B

Ebay Description Win

 Running around eBay, I find all sorts of weird and wonderful things that no one else seems to want. This one though. This was possibly the best way to try and shift your unwanted shit that I've ever seen on eBay.

On a listing titled "Instant-Abs Abdominal exercise machine" there are the typical home-taken photos with over-exposing flash and then the description, which would usually include info about it's size, weight etc. But in this case...

:B

Plants V Zombies: A Tribute Not a Review

Plants V Zombies (PopCap; Version 1.9.5)
Price: £0.69p

This is not going to be a review in the average sense. I am a massive fan of this game and do believe that anyone who owns an iPad, phone capable of playing this game or PC should play this game before they get too old to remember what a zombie is (Which nearly sums up all of the population who matter)

Plants Vs Zombies is a tower defence action
game that has won multiple awards for its damn fine everything. The game is quirky, very playable and will have you hooked within minutes. You play as the owner of a household being invaded by zombies with your only defence an army of wild and wonderful plants that shoot stuff.

In a massive range of levels, mini-games and adventures zombies are thrown at you with increasing difficulty and the aim is to keep them from stealing your brains and chowing down. The boss levels are hard enough to take more than one turn but not so difficult it'll have you wanting to stab yourself in the face with a compass.

The graphics are so easy to get on with for hours at a time, the animations smooth and suitable. The game is also "narrated" by the famous character "Crazy Dave". This guy is as says on the tin- pretty crazy. He will guide you through the game and every so often throw an extra mini-game in for you too keeping the game play varied and enjoyable throughout.

You can play a free demo of the game here, on the popcap website if you're not already taken- otherwise, for less than a pound you can keep everyone happy- ranging from the bouncing baby brat, up to grouchy grandma and the dog.

Salt Rating (Goes without saying)

5/5

Funniest Thing on the Internet So Far??

When things on the internet make me "lol" I tend to smirk briefly and move on.

But this. This had me in full on, PMSL-ing fits.

FITS I TELL YOU.

I can't believe it took me this long to finally watch it.

There's also the bloopers video;

Boredom Cure (For Around 10 Minutes, Atleast)

http://www.pointerpointer.com/

Some of you may have seen this before, but if you haven't go ahead and click on that link. I'm firstly sorry for any coursework you had to do before clicking and secondly--- "You're welcome"

:B

Injustice: Gods Among Us- Finale Voted Ending (SPOILERS)

That's it! Results are in, after 500,000 votes- we have the spectacular finish.

Batman Vs Superman- Who do you think won? Who cares, the video will tell you!!

I think the right man won. Do you?

iPad Review: "What's the Picture?- Reveal the pic and guess the word!"

"What's the Picture.." (Itch Mania; Version 2.0)

With a similar concept to "Four Pics, One Word" but a little harder in my experience, this free app is a boredom buster of a mediocre standard. Although it runs well on my iPad 2, it has a fixed portrait orientation which can be annoying especially if, like me, a majority of apps have a landscape option (usually the default). My case also only allows comfortable gaming in a landscape position (not a problem everyone encounters if you have a 360 case like this).

The game isn't quite dripping in adverts but more dotted by them like genital warts. Gameplay has been thought through, though not original, but eventually it does get boring. You may find yourself only completing each level by 50% so to get onto the next and find a challenge, though one never comes. Overall the game may be a little more suited to younger ones. The three gameplay categories to choose from; 'Classic' (A bunch of random pictures), 'Animals' (From common to exotic) and 'Food and Cooking' (Tip: ask your mom for help) [Words there from the game itself.] do give the game some variety but the constant ease of all the levels is frustrating and keeps it from being a game to get hooked on. There is a small degree of persuasion to spend real money on coins that can be used to "reveal letters" or other such abilities [pay money to get money... whut] which essentially make a very easy game easier.

Bright, attractive look and bold, primary layout that's easy on the eye and something else that will appeal to children, until they realise that flicking bogies at their brothers and sisters is more fun. Or just a quick ten minute blast on Angry Birds.

Sorry, "Itch Mania", there was nothing 'manic' about your game, and like an itch, I just wanted it to go away.

I give this boredom-enhancing game a 1/5 Salt Rating.

iPad Review: Cutie Hair Salon

Cutie Hair Salon (Kurtis Atkinson; Version 1.0)

There's a reason there was only ever 1 version of this game. Even for the age group it was intended, it was crap.

The graphics weren't bad, they're bright and colourful. The "model" has wide eyes without looking creepy or stoned and is fair to share company with for the 30 or so seconds it takes to play the game. I wish that was an exaggeration... it's not.
The game consists of you being told to use a shampoo, then being told to rinse it out, choose a style, cut and style the hair and then share it on Facebook. Sounds ultra-boring? It is, and there's no way of making it any better.
The shampoo doesn';t change, the "shower head" doesn't change... the only choice you get in the whole game is the hairstyle and it doesn't make it any more fun.

I downloaded this app for review because it was in the top "free app" chart. Whoever decided this app deserved that position needs a slap in the face. With a chair.
Even for children half my age and younger would get bored of this game faster than they could lose a penny up their tiny noses.

This unfinished concept needs a lot of work before it can be classed as a playable game.


Salt Rating: 1/5

Saver: The Robot From the Future for the Future

When I signed up for university to do a degree in Primary School Education; this is exactly what I signed up for.

Paper macher robots, entry-level electronics and painting.

 I got his china boots from poundland, they were to weigh him down and to give him suitable feet (You try making robust robot feet). I painted them grey and put a bit of glitter glue on them. My favourite part of his boots was the fact that the little "jet thrusters" on either boot come together in the middle into a "V" shape that matches the "V" in "Saver". I'm a genius (It was a cheeky accidental bonus)

 His head was a paper mache-d balloon, his eyes- some plastic Easter eggs cut in half with holes in them (sticky-back plastic over the holes to give it a clean finish) His body was oven-mats pinned into place with paper clips and then heavily paper mache-d into the shape seen. The little orange button was another plastic half-egg placed over a hole in the body and the arms were a long cardboard tube halved, squashed and cut into hands at one end.

The lights were cheapy ones from poundland and were all powered by a USB pack on his back.

iPad Review: The Silent Age

The Silent Age (House on Fire; version 1.2) 

This post-apocalyptic game will have you play through the first part in a day without stopping. The graphics are stunning, the actions are well thought-out, the story line is fast moving and engaging. Every thing's a massive mystery at the moment, the only things we do know is that, Joe, our character (who you play as) has been teleported into 2012 where everything appears to be dead, and you need to work out why. The guys who developed the game write the story like this;

"It’s 1972. Love is free. Flipflops, English leather and bandanas are the height of fashion. Meanwhile the Cold War is more than lukewarm and a real one is going on overseas. Movements are happening. Environmentalists, the female liberties movement, and on the dance floors an entirely different kind of movement is overtaking the underground clubs. The winds of change are certainly blowing over the country.
Somewhere in the big city, in a tall, faceless government building someone left a window open. All the winds of change are doing here is blowing leaves all over Joe’s newly-swept floor. He’s been there for two years now. Working a dead-end attendant job making sure the building is as spotless as the suits walking the halls. It’s been like this for years, going from one soul-devouring job to the next.
Our protagonist is Joe in more than just name. He is quite literally Joe Average. Average height, average weight, average IQ. In fact, the only thing remotely remarkable about him is exactly how much he conforms to the median of the hypothetical everyman, and up until this point, Joe’s life hasn’t exactly been biography material. This is all about to change.
One morning while tending the floors, Joe is suddenly confronted by a mysterious dying man who is seemingly appearing out of nowhere. The man warns him that a terrible event is about to occur and pleads him to save mankind. As the man draws his last breath, he hands Joe a portable time travel device to aid him on his quest.
It isn’t long before Joe activates the device and is confronted by the truth. The mysterious man was right: 40 years into the future mankind has become extinct. Stuck between a desolate future and a present where he is largely ignored, it is now up to our accidental hero to find out what has happened and how to prevent it in order to save mankind."

I love the game, I love it's simplicity and the gameplay and how everything seems to be interactive with everything else! The first part is free, and the guys behind this genius kit are currently raising money for part 2! You can donate here.

I give this game a 4/5 salt rating:

This "Salt Rating" is a thing now. When I find something in need of a rate, I will give it something out of 5 Salts. 5 Being one of the best things in the world, 1 being... get out. 

Goodbye MCR, Damn Good Show

After 12 years of music churned out by our favourite dark haired lyrical genius' it has come to and end. Months before the release of Gerard Way's next instalment to the Umbrella Academy comic series, the band released the news through a blog post on their website;

A matter of weeks after their final part of "Conventional Weapons" had been released, the shocking news has wracked the Internet. I will miss them, as for me (as with many people of my generation) they were the first band I really got into. They were the first band I could devote to, could collect their albums and be part of a fandom.

I will miss their presence, but I hope whatever they do from here on out. Will we ever see their names again? I think so.

From this blog and all it's followers; I lost my fear of falling, I will be with you.

WHAT IS SEXY?

Oh well, Hello there.
Did you bring me cookies?
You didn't? THEN LEAVE IMMEDIATELY.

I am, of course, kidding. (But next time remember cookies)

GOOD SHEEPS it's been a long time since the Pasta was salted. I would grovel and apologise... but I was drowning in boiling lava. So I figured that was a good enough excuse.

This is going to be a little "WHAT IS SEXY" list. Things that I have found or have stumbled over recently (over the last month) that I thought "Damn, universe- that's cool" or weird... or epic... or lovely. Etc. Etc.

MUSIC

This month has turfed up some very tasty soundbits to stuff our ear-holes with.

The first is a track by Coyote Kisses; "Conscious Plot" 
Sent down from the bum in my attic on a cassette, this piece of music is a fantastically put together piece of dub---wubwub. With dad-dancing synthesisers, drugged-up drops and a mind-frazzling bridge in the middle, this piece has quickly become one of my favourites. You can go and like the electronic duo artists on Facebook and be updated with their spine-chilling base-drops.

Next up; another dub-wub piece, this time by a talented dub-head named "Noisia" (Appropriate level +20)
The piece is called "Tommy's Theme" and since I can't get words out right now (I'm listening to it and typing/headbanging don't always go together too well) I'll let Noisia explain it:

"In trademark style, 'Tommy's Theme' is a morphing many-headed dubstep beast that reinforces their revered reputation at the forefront of electronic music. Opening with a cinematic landscape built from lush strings, soft choral voices and stumbling rhythmic rubble, the song is swept up in orchestral grandeur before being turned on its head. As the drums thunder home, deadly bass swipes swing through the track destroying everything in their path and elastic synths mutate through the ever-shifting sonic minefield."

There you have it. Another beautiful piece handed to me from my attic. Love you, bum.

COMICS

What's Batman been reading this month?

Fables Vol 1: Legends in Exile (Bill Willingham)
After reading just the first quarter of this one, I knew it was going to be a good'n. Following the story of lots of modernised fairytale characters, they draw you into their twisted, humorous and dark way of life. Beautifully drawn, wonderfully written and lovingly presented. Stunning piece.

HAPPY (Grant Morrison)
If you've just read who wrote this one, rubbed your hands together and thought "oh boy, this is gonna be awesome" you are bang on. This four-part miniseries ended this month, and oh man was it a stunner. I'm really hoping they do another little instalment sometime this year or next, but I wouldn't hold out much hope, they did tie everything up very tidily. So happy with this one (pardon the pun) Go and buy it immediately.

ExSanguine (Tim Seeley)
The genius known as Tim Seeley is at it again, with this mini-series which has very quickly become one of my favourite series of all time. A romance between a serial killer and a vampire. Beautiful for everyone. Lots of blood, action, gore, crime, love, passion, sex and of course- filthy vengeance. It was such a shame to see this one end, but so happy that the quality of the comics lasted all the way until the end. Thank you, Seeley. You great man.
(That cover happens to be my ipad background currently, my favourite cover)

and finally,

Colder (Paul Tobin)
A Dark Horse favourite of mine, Colder. Yet another mini-series that hasn't quite finished yet. Just waiting on the very last one. I am so happy with this one, the characters are so easy to get attached to, when they feel pain- you do too. and I mean you FEEL it. The storyline is just impossible to explain, so I won't even go there- but it's just fantastically dark, very well written and even the bad guy (Nimble Jack) is someone you'd want to have tea with (Even if there's a good chance he'd try and drag your soul through your toenails).

YOUTUBE CHANNELS

We all have them, a long ol' subscription list on youtube that we sometimes scrawl through when we're bored. Mine, however has just had a facelift, only keeping in the youtubers I think deserve my constant attention. I will be doing a top-five countdown of my current favourites, which are- like most price changes- subject to change without notice.

5) Rugburn
This channel produces little animated, funny shorts. They've recently started a webseries called "DogSnack" with a ridiculously catchy themetune played at the end, and cutesie, nameless characters that get up to--- well. You'll just have to watch it. Recommended for the sorts of people who enjoyed Noel Fielding's "Luxury Comedy" or "Mighty Boosh" or other bizarre sorts of humour.

4) MrOwnagePranks
This fantastic channel is run by one, solo guy but it sounds like a whole group of them! Similar to E4's "FoneJacker" the dude rings up lots of businesses and pranks them good and proper using lots of different voices. He is very good at each voice and knows how to keep them on the phone.

 3) Pewdiepie

With over 5million subscribers, this guy isn't a quiet youtuber. With VERY regular uploads of him playing a massive variety of games with funny narration and honest reactions, his videos are fantastic for those "I've got 20 minutes before my lecture what do I do"- moments. Give him a watch, but whatever you do- don't show him BARRELS.

2) Daily Grace
This daily channel is one of my most watched recently. She's funny, charming, open, honest and succinct. Her videos are well edited so there's no hanging about and with 800,000 subscribers, she can't be doing it wrong. Give her a watch, and look out for every Friday with "Sexy Friday"


1) and with the top spot on Pasta's youtube-channel countdown, we have the one, the only Ashens.
At the moment, I can not get enough of this smooth-talking guy with his dapper jacket, bright red tie and reviews that will make your week. His uploads aren't regular, but they are constant and he will have you sitting, watching his channel toggling F5 until something new pops up. He's currently raising money to make a film that has been his dream for years, so if you have rich friends or have some extra money (and fancy picking up some "thank you" presents from the man himself) you can donate here.

IPAD GAMES

Since I play so many of these, I will definitely start "salting" (posting) about good ones I've tried. I'll do a little sum up of the aims and give it a rating out of 5. 

Akinator (Elokence; version 2.4.0)

The akinator is a genie-type game which can guess who you're thinking of through the use of questions. Even people who you personally know. It's frightening, disconcerting and sometimes MUCH too quick to let you believe it's not a tiny wizard stuck in your iPad. Excellent fun, brilliant party-trick that requires no learning.

The Simpsons: Tapped Out (Electronic Arts; version 4.1.50)
This sims-game is one of the best free ones out there! Playing as characters from the overl-y popular American tv show, the dialogue is recognisable from the show along with the buildings, art style and quests. Really stuck into this one, be careful with spending real money on this one though, it lures you in and at £7.99 a go, it's not cheap! I have yet to spend any real money on it and have happily got to a comfortable level 12!

Candy Crush Saga (King.com Limited; version 1.0.8)
This one's taken off nearly as well as "Angry Birds" did all those years ago. Everyone seems to be playing it, and because of its close connections with Facebook, you can never escape once you've started! The difficulty on this one really ranges, some levels take seconds while others can have you stuck for up to a week before luck drops the right candy. A game this addictive for free, who can complain? I lied, one complaint- to get into the different areas, you have to receive in-game "tickets" from your Facebook friends to let you pass... not sure what that's all about other than a cheap shot at getting more people hooked. Other than that, go for it!

Alpaca World HD (Ammonite Studio; version 2.0.1)
Oh boy, this is an amazing game. Whoever woke up one morning and thought "I know what the world needs, an unexplainable amount of people like alpacas (and llamas) and another load of people like Pokemon! Why not... MERGE THEM" needs an award and a promotion. Two of my favourite things in one game where spending real money doesn't even exist unless you go looking for it, it encourages you to do everything you can in game and progressing levels is challenging enough to be fun but still addictive. Collect alpacas and battle them among the tall grass to collect all of the colous to fill your "colour dex"! Stupendous fun and just bloomin adorable.
Oh did I mention you can dress them up too?

I could go on with one million other game reviews, but instead I shall save them for future Salts (posts).

I think that'll do for this one.

Don't die, don't get lost- and whatever you do, don't feed purple hippos. Those things get vicious if you offer them food.

LOOK AT THESE PANTS (I won't tell)

Possibly some of the coolest pants you've ever seen?

Me too.

Go here to find video-game inspired clothing, outfits and other apparel. I love the site already! Also, get free stuff for doing stuff on the site! O_O AWESOME.

http://www.jinx.com/member/Batman

The First Film Written and Directed By An A.I.

This film, directed and written by Cleverbot- the online AI

If you've never played with it before, go and google her. It's magnificent.

Birmingham Spring Fair 2013

I was listening to Michael Buble through my i-pod whilst shopping today, and then had to change the track because listening to classy music in Poundland felt so wrong.


I went to Spring Fair in Birmingham with the local comic book shop on Tuesday! YAY!
Went to go and see all the new releases of toys and merchandise coming out this year to support upcoming films and current-standing comics and artists. It was so much fun, I got quite carried away with my camera (his name is Brutus).

CLICK HERE FOR THE FULL ALBUM
(These pictures are nowhere else on the web, exclusive to this album)

[MLP pictures dedicated to the first brony I ever met]

I'll Shut Up About My Job Soon

Another day at work, some more noticeable happenings.

A lady customer came to pay and opened her purse to reveal a speech-bubble-shaped postit note on which was written just the word "Easter!"
Just in case it was a forgettable time of year for someone who goes shopping, perhaps she has others with "Christmas!" and "My Birthday!" written on them... just incase.

Last Saturday was very weird for me. It was, what I like to call, a "No Bag Day"
Whatever you think it means, it probably does. No one wanted a bag that day. and to be honest, the continual rejection ("Would you like a bag?" --- "No, thank you) was sort of heartbreaking in a meaningless sort of way.
If heartbreak can be meaningless- I found it.


I have also come to create my own conspiracy theory on the matter of change. Not change, the hypothetical occurance of something becoming different, but monetary change.
If a customer has been holding their pennies so long, they practically stick to their hands when they come to hand them over- they tend to be the nicest people. The old ladies who want to know how you are, the jolly men who wish you a pleasant day.
On the flipside, the snoot-bag women with stone-cold money are the most unpleasant.

Just a conspiracy, but one I tend to gauge conversation on.
"How's your day going?" *recieves freezing change* "Oh, nevermind, I don't expect a pleasant answer"

Ashens Freeze Frame

Just watching a bit of old Ashens on youtube and came across this video titled "Answers to Correspondents" dated way back in 2009.

One of the top comments was "What is that thing at 2:19" at which point, I had to rewind to see what he was talking about and after a long time fastforwarding and pausing mutliple times, I managed to capture it.

Anyone any ideas what it is?
I used the "Google Goggles" app on my Samsung, but nothing came up. It's very worrying, I'd like to know what it is...

If you haven't ever watched Ashen's videos, please do here.

That'll be £3.40 Please Sir... Sorry, Are You Actually Trying to Hand Me a £20 Note?

I shaved my legs yesterday, so last night I spent a good half an hour rubbing them together.

Hello my bovine friends. Welcome to my aubergine of despair.

This blog post is going out to anyone who works in retail. Anyone who stands behind a till all day, every week, some people every day. Poor bastards.
I feel for you and know a lot of people who will too.

My first thought of the day, last working day, was when I was handed a £20 note for something that was coming to £3.40 just out of instinct, I took the money and had to fight the urge to not say thank you. I muttered it instead.
It made me wonder- what if tills were all fitted with lie-detectors?
*Customer hands a £20 note*
Cashier: Thank you..,
Lie Detector: *VWORP VWORP LIE DETECTED VWORP VWORP*

Cashier: Yes, that pen is fantastic at writing, I've used them myself.
Lie Detector: *VWORP VWORP BULLSHIT DETECTED VWORP VWORP*

Cashier: So you bought this sealed cartridge pen and when you got it out the packaging, it just didn't work? The cartridge HAPPENED to be poked in so hard it broke the pen itself?
Customer: Precisely.
Lie Detector: You know the drill.


Later the same day, I sold a cocacola to an unsuspecting victim for... get this. £1.85
£1.85 for a bottle of stuff that costs probably less than 2 pennies to dispense. He and I were both pretty flabergasted... and quite disgusted. Nearly as disgusted as the lady who wanted Marlborough Light cigarettes for £9.05 and then changed her mind pretty sharpish.
Which made me laugh.
We're all being made to pay out-the-nose for both recreationally tearing holes in our lungs and also trying to survive by consuming liquids. Love it.

Top 3 Pranks to Play at Work (That don't get you sacked. Usually)

1. Using circular price stickers, use one on the palm of each hand and frighten away customers after closing by running around making explosion sounds and "shooting" them with your hand-arc-reactor-rays.

2. Using a hand-held scanner, discover the lost art of switching the scanner from "scan mode" into "torch mode" and watch as your colleagues try desperately to scan an object only to find it gets lit up instead.

3. Find some electronic tags that will make the shop alarm go off when passed through the doors without being deactivated and leave one- sticky side up- by the till point of the unsuspecting victim. When they inevitably tread on it, every time they go near the door way of the shop or try and leave for lunch, the alarm will sound and it will take them a good long time to figure out why.

Also just want to document, I remember when Radio Times cost £1.10

Can You Recognise These Faces?

If you can recognise these guys +10 respect points for you Sir, or Lady.

Aren't they cute? I love them.

On the bus the other day, I realise how different the world is from when I was younger. Teaching kids, I get a good look at what makes generations later than my own so different and it does make a lot of sense, but yesterday I saw the extent of this.
Just as technology is trying to make our lives easier- the inhabitants of this lonely planet are making it so much harder. A lack of basic morals and manners being the point.
Sitting on the bus, next to my good friend, Bear, a male student got onto the bus, wearing trousers suitable only for keeping warm on a stay-in day or sports and walks half way up the bus to stand in the aisle next to wear Bear was sitting. He stopped and looked back towards his friends who were also getting onto the bus to monitor where they wanted him to sit and as he did so, his hand wandered to his unmentionables and began scratching. He seemed completely oblivious to the fact he was doing it, and he was there for a good solid 30 seconds before moving on.
Bear's face did make it worth it though.

Also, quote of the week; After discussing why bacon is so much better than a salad, I was asked "Yeah, but salad's not a vegetable, is it?"

Chibi Thor and Lego Batman Carved Out of Squirrel Bones.

 The legendary poker game (My very first) that started at 8pm and I ran out of chips just after 4am. Gameplay continued for a further few hours regardless. It was a beautiful night.

Work the next morning at 9am? Not so beautiful.

 Does anyone remember these?! 90s kids here's your moment to shine now. The crappy juice cartons that felt like they were made with atom-thick plastic and filled with liquid-sugar flavoured with nothing natural. This one is a blackcurrant one and yes, they do still sell them. Where? In cheap kebab shops, of course! If anyone can find me some that don't have to be bought with a pizza made from donkey meat and domestic-cat-livers, then I'd be eternally grateful. (I'm lying, I'd be grateful for about an hour)

 My keys that just became slightly more awesome this week.
On my keys are featured:
-An owl light-up keyring that is damn useful when you're drunk and in the dark.
-A black widow logo keyring (Which I swapped for my iron man one with the bum who lives in my attic. He doesn't like black widow much, I don't mind her)
-A key-tool. A fake key with a little blade, screwdriver, tweezers etc going on. Like a duck pretending to be a goose. Only better and nothing like a duck.
-Tiny, Chibi Thor.
-General Grievous Keychain. Bootiful and discontinued. Probably should be in a case, but hell if I ever keep anything for its future value.
-Lego Batman. Given to me, by the same bum in my attic. I assume he carved it out of squirrel bones or something similar.

Look, nice pictures taken with my phone because I'm a photographer- see?