LOOK AT THESE PANTS (I won't tell)

Possibly some of the coolest pants you've ever seen?

Me too.

Go here to find video-game inspired clothing, outfits and other apparel. I love the site already! Also, get free stuff for doing stuff on the site! O_O AWESOME.

http://www.jinx.com/member/Batman

The First Film Written and Directed By An A.I.

This film, directed and written by Cleverbot- the online AI

If you've never played with it before, go and google her. It's magnificent.

Birmingham Spring Fair 2013

I was listening to Michael Buble through my i-pod whilst shopping today, and then had to change the track because listening to classy music in Poundland felt so wrong.


I went to Spring Fair in Birmingham with the local comic book shop on Tuesday! YAY!
Went to go and see all the new releases of toys and merchandise coming out this year to support upcoming films and current-standing comics and artists. It was so much fun, I got quite carried away with my camera (his name is Brutus).

CLICK HERE FOR THE FULL ALBUM
(These pictures are nowhere else on the web, exclusive to this album)

[MLP pictures dedicated to the first brony I ever met]

I'll Shut Up About My Job Soon

Another day at work, some more noticeable happenings.

A lady customer came to pay and opened her purse to reveal a speech-bubble-shaped postit note on which was written just the word "Easter!"
Just in case it was a forgettable time of year for someone who goes shopping, perhaps she has others with "Christmas!" and "My Birthday!" written on them... just incase.

Last Saturday was very weird for me. It was, what I like to call, a "No Bag Day"
Whatever you think it means, it probably does. No one wanted a bag that day. and to be honest, the continual rejection ("Would you like a bag?" --- "No, thank you) was sort of heartbreaking in a meaningless sort of way.
If heartbreak can be meaningless- I found it.


I have also come to create my own conspiracy theory on the matter of change. Not change, the hypothetical occurance of something becoming different, but monetary change.
If a customer has been holding their pennies so long, they practically stick to their hands when they come to hand them over- they tend to be the nicest people. The old ladies who want to know how you are, the jolly men who wish you a pleasant day.
On the flipside, the snoot-bag women with stone-cold money are the most unpleasant.

Just a conspiracy, but one I tend to gauge conversation on.
"How's your day going?" *recieves freezing change* "Oh, nevermind, I don't expect a pleasant answer"

Ashens Freeze Frame

Just watching a bit of old Ashens on youtube and came across this video titled "Answers to Correspondents" dated way back in 2009.

One of the top comments was "What is that thing at 2:19" at which point, I had to rewind to see what he was talking about and after a long time fastforwarding and pausing mutliple times, I managed to capture it.

Anyone any ideas what it is?
I used the "Google Goggles" app on my Samsung, but nothing came up. It's very worrying, I'd like to know what it is...

If you haven't ever watched Ashen's videos, please do here.

That'll be £3.40 Please Sir... Sorry, Are You Actually Trying to Hand Me a £20 Note?

I shaved my legs yesterday, so last night I spent a good half an hour rubbing them together.

Hello my bovine friends. Welcome to my aubergine of despair.

This blog post is going out to anyone who works in retail. Anyone who stands behind a till all day, every week, some people every day. Poor bastards.
I feel for you and know a lot of people who will too.

My first thought of the day, last working day, was when I was handed a £20 note for something that was coming to £3.40 just out of instinct, I took the money and had to fight the urge to not say thank you. I muttered it instead.
It made me wonder- what if tills were all fitted with lie-detectors?
*Customer hands a £20 note*
Cashier: Thank you..,
Lie Detector: *VWORP VWORP LIE DETECTED VWORP VWORP*

Cashier: Yes, that pen is fantastic at writing, I've used them myself.
Lie Detector: *VWORP VWORP BULLSHIT DETECTED VWORP VWORP*

Cashier: So you bought this sealed cartridge pen and when you got it out the packaging, it just didn't work? The cartridge HAPPENED to be poked in so hard it broke the pen itself?
Customer: Precisely.
Lie Detector: You know the drill.


Later the same day, I sold a cocacola to an unsuspecting victim for... get this. £1.85
£1.85 for a bottle of stuff that costs probably less than 2 pennies to dispense. He and I were both pretty flabergasted... and quite disgusted. Nearly as disgusted as the lady who wanted Marlborough Light cigarettes for £9.05 and then changed her mind pretty sharpish.
Which made me laugh.
We're all being made to pay out-the-nose for both recreationally tearing holes in our lungs and also trying to survive by consuming liquids. Love it.

Top 3 Pranks to Play at Work (That don't get you sacked. Usually)

1. Using circular price stickers, use one on the palm of each hand and frighten away customers after closing by running around making explosion sounds and "shooting" them with your hand-arc-reactor-rays.

2. Using a hand-held scanner, discover the lost art of switching the scanner from "scan mode" into "torch mode" and watch as your colleagues try desperately to scan an object only to find it gets lit up instead.

3. Find some electronic tags that will make the shop alarm go off when passed through the doors without being deactivated and leave one- sticky side up- by the till point of the unsuspecting victim. When they inevitably tread on it, every time they go near the door way of the shop or try and leave for lunch, the alarm will sound and it will take them a good long time to figure out why.

Also just want to document, I remember when Radio Times cost £1.10

Can You Recognise These Faces?

If you can recognise these guys +10 respect points for you Sir, or Lady.

Aren't they cute? I love them.

On the bus the other day, I realise how different the world is from when I was younger. Teaching kids, I get a good look at what makes generations later than my own so different and it does make a lot of sense, but yesterday I saw the extent of this.
Just as technology is trying to make our lives easier- the inhabitants of this lonely planet are making it so much harder. A lack of basic morals and manners being the point.
Sitting on the bus, next to my good friend, Bear, a male student got onto the bus, wearing trousers suitable only for keeping warm on a stay-in day or sports and walks half way up the bus to stand in the aisle next to wear Bear was sitting. He stopped and looked back towards his friends who were also getting onto the bus to monitor where they wanted him to sit and as he did so, his hand wandered to his unmentionables and began scratching. He seemed completely oblivious to the fact he was doing it, and he was there for a good solid 30 seconds before moving on.
Bear's face did make it worth it though.

Also, quote of the week; After discussing why bacon is so much better than a salad, I was asked "Yeah, but salad's not a vegetable, is it?"

Chibi Thor and Lego Batman Carved Out of Squirrel Bones.

 The legendary poker game (My very first) that started at 8pm and I ran out of chips just after 4am. Gameplay continued for a further few hours regardless. It was a beautiful night.

Work the next morning at 9am? Not so beautiful.

 Does anyone remember these?! 90s kids here's your moment to shine now. The crappy juice cartons that felt like they were made with atom-thick plastic and filled with liquid-sugar flavoured with nothing natural. This one is a blackcurrant one and yes, they do still sell them. Where? In cheap kebab shops, of course! If anyone can find me some that don't have to be bought with a pizza made from donkey meat and domestic-cat-livers, then I'd be eternally grateful. (I'm lying, I'd be grateful for about an hour)

 My keys that just became slightly more awesome this week.
On my keys are featured:
-An owl light-up keyring that is damn useful when you're drunk and in the dark.
-A black widow logo keyring (Which I swapped for my iron man one with the bum who lives in my attic. He doesn't like black widow much, I don't mind her)
-A key-tool. A fake key with a little blade, screwdriver, tweezers etc going on. Like a duck pretending to be a goose. Only better and nothing like a duck.
-Tiny, Chibi Thor.
-General Grievous Keychain. Bootiful and discontinued. Probably should be in a case, but hell if I ever keep anything for its future value.
-Lego Batman. Given to me, by the same bum in my attic. I assume he carved it out of squirrel bones or something similar.

Look, nice pictures taken with my phone because I'm a photographer- see?

I GOT A NEW HAT. And snow.

 I GOT A NEW HAT.

 Why I love Disney Shop Closing Down Sales:
1. 75% off things I love.
2. Beaker (Meeper) plushies are beautiful.
3. Toy Story figure set with Trixie (One I didn't have)
4. Cruella DeVille t-shirt in a non-kiddy size.
5. Peas in a pod Plush. Adorable.

Obligatory snow post was obligatory.

My local pub up there covered in white stuff from the sky. Almost like Jesus covered us in icing sugar for a few days. Cheers, Jesus.

and that man over there: he... yeah he has no face. Not sure what his story is, but he never had a face- nor a back, which you can't see. But he did look strangely pretty in the snow.

I Moved House. Into an Ice Cream Lodge. Jelly? (No, Ice Cream)

 This is a lodge made of ice cream.

I live there now.

Chocolate ice cream with plain ice cream for the roof, it's bloody delicious.

Available from Sainsburys, in the UK.

Yes, the characters and decorations are edible, they're just sugar :)

This is a "Chocolate Poppin' Tree" that my Clown got for Christmas.

It had exploding candy in the bottom, was covered in some sort of, what we assumed to be edible, glitter and had smarties embedded in it.

I'm no expert, but its looks along with the exploding candy, I think, should have been called a Chocolate Volcano. Would have been cooler.

Doesn't even look like a tree.
Looks like a mountain for Goats to live on.
If your Christmas tree is dripping from the top, I think the angel on the top is suffering from an unfortunate time of the month.

Some Life-Enhancing Stuff, Right Here.

and don't touch bats.

Definately NOT an Iphone 4S

My most techie friend (Applefag Bob) found this and posted it on Facebook.

This product listing, along with the two people who have bidded on the damn thing, and the people who have commented really do help me keep faith in the human race. Thank the lord for people like this: 

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/EMPTY-EGG-BOX-DEFINITELY-NOT-iPHONE-4S-/160948932124?roken=70aWCL

Embrace Your Inner Pasta.

Modelled here by my very sexy friend, is a chopping board surprisingly appropriate for this blog. I will be going back and buying it, as soon as I have somewhere to put it.

I Think I Like, Living Upside Down and Monsters.

 Well doesn't this look civilized? Many of you will now know what kind of person I am. What sort of eater I am. A big one. I like good food, I can't help it. I eat nearly all the damn time. I should be the size of King Kong's left nut, but luckily- I'm not. However, I do have a few more bumps than I should do, so I'm dealing with. Salad for tea.

 Oh god, where do I start with this next story.
It's not even a story. I went to Argos to pick something up, and next to Argos was CarpetRight.
and that's when I saw it. This MONSTER.
Look at him! Why would you want that outside your shop?!

I don't like how big it is (Man in picture, for scale, obviously), I don't like he dead, glazed-over eyes and I definitely don't appreciate his very perveted "Come and give me a hug, child" position. Creepy.

 This is a dog driving a van. Look closely. He's in there. He was wearing a t-shirt too, but the owner of the van was coming back and I didn't want to look too much like a spy. So I had to stop taking photos of his van.

Here's a photo of a man in a silly hat.

Fruit Shoot-- Salad.

Just a quick note.
I picked up this Fruit Shoot "Summer Fruits" from a £1 store.

It tastes EXACTLY like fruit salad sweets.

Who knew?

Put Down The Fork.

Christmas is over, we all got tonnes of presents that we had to drag back from whence we came, and we're all looking in the mirror feeling very bad about how much we've eaten over the last four months and wondering if you've passed the point of no return.

I don't have to tell you what my new year's resolution is, because it's the same as 90% of the population's. Get back to a size that I don't mind staring at in the mirror.
I started today. I walked into town instead of catching the bus. I ate a pork pie on the way. Hmmm.

I did then spend £13 on practically just salad. "'Ealfy stuff" as it's also known. I don't know how long this'll last, but hell if I'm joining a gym for 9 gazillion pounds a week or whatever the going rate is at the moment. Walking and less twinkies for me.

 Have you heard about the Noro virus sweeping across the UK taking out a load of old people this year? Pleasant. Why do the media have to suddenly notice it around Christmas. I can imagine the more paranoid among us didn't see anything wrong with the Christmas Family photograph looking like this:

See the girl in the yellow suit? Every family has one of them.

Is it Worth Reading?

http://isitworthreading.tumblr.com/

Batman reviews comics so you don't waste your money.

 

Star Struck

Have you ever touched a celebrity? Shared a room with a celebrity? Nearly stolen clothes from a celebrity*?

I have. 

and today, I held the bags of a celebrity and helped her get comfortable. You readers who watched the UK "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here" will be very familiar with the fantastic Rosemary Shrager. 

She fed the jungle mates to save them from starving, and today she graced my workplace to sign copies of her new book!

I got to meet her, show her in and take her upstairs. The signing was short and sweet, and unfortunately I didn't get much of a chat, but it was magnificent to have met her. A lovely lady.

*(I nearly got Pete Wentz's belt when he threw himself into the crowd at BBC Switch, at the Hammersmith Apollo in London)

Dancing Gingerbread Men and Floods.

I found these tree-decorations in a garden centre near my house yesterday, and thought the dancing gingerbread man was particularly cute. The reindeer was also particularly cute.

Then the rain came. It was raining lots. It was loud, it was a little scary and hail joined in. We didn't really think much of it until later on.

We kept shopping...

... and found these bad boys.

What are they?

Turnips.

Probably. They're not. They're bulbs of some description, and I'm pretty sure they could probably be sold as some sort of house-security. The plants that grow out of these things must be able to eat AT LEAST children whole.

Only after we went back inside the main part of the shop did we see what the rain had done. It was flooding the shop from inside out. Being an outside-covered shop, the drains on the inside were overflowing and the automatic door was letting rain in too. Oh dear.

Good response from the staff though.

Merry Christmas, Every One. Where's The Bacon?

To all Pasta-Followers out there, Merry Christmas one and all.

I hope you all get what you asked Santa for and that whoever makes you Christmas dinner salts everything just right.

If they are making you pasta, that they put more salt than that's needed, but to be honest- if they're making pasta for Christmas day, you're doing something wrong.

Get a frying pan out and whack on some BACON.