Office Habits

Literally have just come back from fixing my make-up in the toilet. Shut up. I'm still a girl.

and there was someone using a cubicle. Normal enough. It was the bit that happened after that made me screw up my face and nearly spew. She came out, wiped her hands on her jeans and LEFT.
The sinks were right there. RIGHT there. Did she wash? No. Did she even look like she felt bad for NOT washing? No.

Am I the only person who washes their hands after going to to the toilet anymore? I bloody hope not. I had to touch that door to get out. Now I feel dirty (Shut it).

Secondly- I've just ordered a load of business cards. Scary, I know. So now when someone wants to invite me out for a drink and get to know me. They don't have to :D I'll just throw a bit of matt cardboard at them and tell them to do their research. Perfect.

I bought a four-pack of tropicana today. Each one has "1 of your 5 a day" written on it.
So now to just find the last one....

I still think chocolate counts as it comes off of a tree/plant thing.

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For the image that accompanies this blog post. You have to go to "www.glopho.com" and search for it.
My username is Binary_Sudoku. (Ooh little link-y there with my blog, Oh I know. You flatter me)

I'm telling you, it's worth it.

PUPPY

Puppy just padded into the office equalling a squeeing mess that is me. Flapping my arms everywhere and stroking it so much its fur nearly falls straight off. I think she likes me *Happy wide eyes*

I left quarter of an hour earlier this morning to get to work and suddenly find--- I'm an hour early? How does that work? I took all the same trains, just one quarter of an hour earlier and I find this?! How.

Time lords buggering about with my time line again, I suspect.
Still, meant I had time to get a Waitrose pain oh chocolate. Shut up, I know that's not how it's spelt, but I'm not likely to put a french accent on my writing if I am not brave enough to try it outloud. The last time I tried an accent, it went the same way every accent does and ended up sounding like a racist dig at indians. Awks. However, I do think something should be called "Pain oh chocolate" I'd buy it.

Two of my favourite things both at once. What could go wrong.

If any of you are up and around London on the 7th, 8th and 9th pop to Westminster and come and see the Glopho team who will be promoting in our very sexy t-shirts. We'll be around Hyde Park on the 7th, around The Horse Guard's Palace for the women's volleyball (Humana) on the 8th and then back to Hyde Park on the 9th. Come say hi and take our leaflets that we will be throwing at you.

We may aim for your eyes. I apologise.

Glopho; Sounds like Gloworm.

Glopho.

The new social network for all of YOUR photographs you catch when you're out and about. You visit London and there's a cool human-statue that keeps moving when you're not looking, and everytime you turn back he's a little closer? Take his picture. Put it up on Glopho.com or use the glopho app (can be found at the poo-y iphone App Store or at AWESOME Android playstore :D or >> also at blackberry appworld. But we don't speak of that one)

Disgusting Blackberry users. Move on. The craze is dead. Get a functional phone. Like an Android.

Glopho is the perfect sharing space to get famous. On a small scale, or possibly on a large scale (But if you become more popular than me quicker than I did, I might not be your friend anymore)

Take a picture of anything you think other people will want to know about (or things you don't really think other people give a damn about, but shove it down their throats anyway)

Don't give me the "I already put it on Facebook" nonsense.
--- Upload a photo, they said.
--- It'll be fun, they said.
--- I got 1 like and a comment that read "First"

Glopho is filled with people with slightly more than the half a brain cell it took to create a facebook account. So come and share your sharp photography (Or your un-sharp if you use soft focus. OOH SEE WHAT I DID THERE) into the world, collect followers and favourites and become FAMOUS.

We hold no responsibility for the paparazzo turning up outside your bedroom window after your first upload.

Dead Tortoises.

Watching the Olympics opening ceremony.

The beginning was--- alright. Rowan Atkinson made things much better than they were. The annoying cut screens were annoying. The comentator was--- unneeded.

Still on G...

Very slowly the room around me just figured out that our team won't be on until U being "United Kingdom" well shit.

Favourite Moment so far? Ecaudor. Not because of their flag, not because the comentators mentioned their sports history like they did for all of the other teams. But because they were introduced as the country who let George the tortoise die. Sweet.

Oh and the noticeable cringe when we started mentioning the way and Germany was backstage. Har. Har.

Working in the morning will be fun. Getting up after a late night. Pretty jimmied-up on Pimms right now. Spent the National Anthem on my feet with one hand over my heart, the other saluting to her Majesty herself.

Can't QUITE believe we allowed "Soulja Boy" or whoever the f*ck you spell it to be part of the things Britain's proud of.

The Queen looks pretty unimpressed.

I have a driving temptation to yell "FLAG BEARER" at the screen as I would if I were playing Dynasty Warriors on PS3. Whenever I see one of those fat men running about with a honking great flag, I can't help myself but to yell angrily at them, chase them and then hack them down. Wish I could chase all of the flag bearers for the countries before us just to make them hurry up.

Come on Danny Boyle. Get a jiggy on. I'm sleepy now. and if David "I-get-paid-to-take-my-clothes-off-and-be-married-to-a-hair-pin" Beckham gets to light the beacon over Boris Johnson, I'll be pretty upset to be honest. I might cry.
Someone get me a tissue.

Bouncing Baby Boris Johnson

I've spent the last hour and a bit trying desperately to configure a bunch of bluddy settings to make rackspace work on my laptop. To no avail. I tried using their online server which directed me uselessly and then I tried using Windows Mail. Both FAILED.
I thought I was just being a useless female. But my Dad tried. and to be honest. If Computer Man can't do it- I don't think it's possible.

So no work e-mail for me *huff*

In other news, some family in China slit their baby girl's throat and left her in a bin. A rare occurance? No. Rare to hear about at 8:30am? A little. It caught me offguard on the train. Wasn't quite ready for dead babies.
That makes it sound like I have a time of day when I AM ready for them. Dead baby o'clock. Heh.

The Olympics tonight!

....

Yeah...
urm.
Woo. I guess.
Go Britain.

The news channel has been constantly trying to make news out of frag all ALL day so I'm pretty bored of the mindless fur that is pouring out of the reporter's mouths right now.

I want to see Boris Johnson light the olympic beacon.
I want to meet Boris Johnson. Really bad.
I want to be his friend. His best friend. HE'S SO WONDERFUL.

*sips from pimms* Yeah, That'd be why.

HERE'S TO YOU BORIS. You sexy beast.

I think ultimately his parents got him on the way to success when they name him bouncing baby... Boris.

OTHER LONDON BITS

Also in London.

Golden. Golden shiny cars. I want one.

Also: Robots breaking into a London office block. Standard.

PORN. I only read that word. The rest of it just... Just read it.

Dark Knight Rises.
Do I have to say it's awesome, or do you already know? Oh you've seen it? You loved it too? *brofist* This is wonderful. Let's be friends.

Travelling to London, I was reading the metro. This particular story made me laugh OUT LOUD. Quite loudly on the train.

Humankind, you have made me love you a little bit. You have made up for the fat man who kept brushing past me and whiping the gravy he was sweating out onto me.

"I see you" "You can not hide" "I am a cake"

The famous words of the eye of Sauron, of course. Everyone knows that >> [Only knows that because it's Pennywise's text alert] *COUGH*

So being the dancing clown's birthday, I had to think of an AMAZING cake to make him. So this is what I came up with.

Don't tell me it looks like gaping genitalia. I KNOW. but the important thing was what Pennywise shouted when I presented him with it. and it wasn't "FANNY"
I also created him a foot-long kitkat, which I will blog about too. Showing you how to make your very own dietician's nightmare.

Black Bogies.

Oh. My. Daiis.
So much has happened over the last week or so that I have barely been able to contain my excitement. I've been like an open bottle of milk that slips out of your hands. GLUG GLUG GLUG.
I went to HAMLEYS O_O OH GOSH. It was so exciting. It was like heaven. At one point I had to pinch myself to check I wasn't dead. I think it works for if you've died... that's right... right? Yeah.

I got a Hexbug. FINALLY. Pennywise the Dancing clown bought me a Hexbug "Grub" the little thing propells itself around the floor wiggling its fanny as it moves and doesn't bump into objects. It's more impressive watching it avoid walls than it would be to watch someone dress a dolphin as the pope.
I'm lying a little bit. Someone find me a concenting dolphin. IMMEDIATELY.

In other news. I've been commuting to London for the last two days. The first day, my eyes nearly fell out I was so frightened of new things, fat businessmen, the smell of whisky and falling into the tracks in an overwhelmed mess. Luckily. That didn't happen, minor singeing was all that occured and that was from the SHEER HEAT of the train itself.

5 Things to Expect When Commuting

1] Newspapers suddenly become interesting. You find yourself WANTING a metro instead of considering to use them as toilet paper when caught short.
2] You'll start wanting to snack. ALL THE TIME. Of course, this wasn't too new to me. But suddenly--- I started eating grapes as a snack. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'll see a doctor as soon as I work the fibre out of my system.
3] Hot, fat, sweaty people WILL invade your personal space and they WILL touch you. There's no use in squashing yourself into the corner by the door because one of two things will happen. Either, you will squash yourself so the person infront of you thinks they have the space to move back towards you, leaving you in world's most uncomfortable position in the world for the entirity of your journy OR the doors will open on the opposite side to where you got in and you'll be cruelly ejected by the force of people squeezing together. Like puss out of a spot.
4] Cabs will RUN YOU DOWN. If the light is green when you start crossing, but the sheer mass of people infront of you slow you down to the point that you're only 3/4 away over the road by the time it flicks to green. THEY WILL KILL YOU. RUN. Running is the only option.
and finally
5] Your bogies will turn BLACK.

Want to know why I highlighted the word "grape"? Because "Grape" is a wonderful word. Especially when accompanied with the word "Executive"
Try it. Wonderful isn't it? You're welcome.

Professor Peanut.

Good news everyone!
*Stop reading this is in Farnsworth's voice*

I have been invited up to the Glopho offices in London to go and meet the team [The internship I signed up for]. Exciting. I think that means I impressed Founder-man. However, I did just have to look up how I'm going to get there. and it's official. GOOGLE MAPS. YOU SUCK. It had no idea where I wanted to go and didn't even know there was a station in Chiswick park. Then when I asked for directions from there, it gave me a completely random spot in Chiswick. So after feeling accomplished at working out a route, I late found that I had a completely different [However, much shorter] route to figure out instead. I am excited but I know I'm going to get lost.

In other news.
R.I.P Mr Peanut.
Mr Peanut was one of my friend's driving buddies. He was a friend, a dashboard-fiend and we'll never forget the way he did the hula as we did speed-bumps holding onto his saxophone for dear life. Novelty toys make my life. This one will be saltly missed.

Work Experience finished tomorrow :( Going to miss being a stand-in vet nurse. But the people were lovely and I saw both the highlights [The vets dog remembering me from about a month ago] and the lowlights [Seeing three animals being put to sleep] and understand how if you want that job you have to REALLY want that job.

Going to see Spiderman with Goff and a south african bean tomorrow ^^ For the second time. I love it.

This isn't Mr Peanut. It's just a sad peanut. A grieving peanut.

Boxers and Cucumbers.

This week, I have found myself gaining work experience in a vets surgery that I set up a while back [hence the distinct lack of posting last night: You try working from 8am until 7pm] Today we had a boxer in for a castration. I've never watched that on a dog before [''>>] so it was pretty cool watching them go a funky colour after being detached from the blood flow. Anyway, I'm not here to disgust you all. Or am I.
This Boxer was pretty unimpressed after we had stolen his manhood, but I think he forgave us eventually. He was pretty drugged up for most of the day and spent plenty-an-hour with his tongue hanging out, getting dry and then wondering why it tasted different when he eventually retracted it. The name of this post was suggested [practically] by a Ginger ninja who suggested that the Boxer was infact thinking "Stop stroking me, you've taken my nads, now go and fetch me a cucumber sandwhich at once" I do have a feeling that it was just an outlandish, thoughtless comment but it made me chuckle. The idea of a boxer in a monocle and long, pimping fur coat ordering cucumber sandwiches. [Pictures to follow]

I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT

J2-Gin [Mixing J2O and Gin together. See what I did there] whistles when in a bottle when walking. Goff [My friend from a previous post] showed me this when we went drinking at an 18th that if you hold a bottle into the wind; It produces a marvellous singing voice [It's really not that pretty, not Ocarina-pretty, but when you're drunk it can keep you amused for hours] 

Genuinly. I am so tired, I feel my eyes falling out.

So you can take three things you may not have known from this post:

1] Mixing J2O and Gin is MARVELLOUS.
2] J2-Gin sings.

and 3] Boxers like cucumber sandwhiches.

Yes. I have only just realised that if you don't know that a "Boxer" is a breed of dog. I just told you I castrated a human fist-fighter. At this time of night even "Fist-fighter" look dodgy to me. I'm going to stop now before I do something silly.

*Runs around with miniature toilet plungers stuck in rows up her arms, rawring and claiming "I'ma Dinosaur!*

Blue Teeth

I meant, Bluetooth.

That wireless magic that make sending embarassing photos between phones at school just that much easier.

Last week, I was told that Bluetooth got its name from a Norwegian warlord, of sorts. and it made me want to check this out.

So here it is.

Bluetooth was named after the Anglican translation of King Harald I of Denmark's byname "Blåtand/Blåtann" He united dissonant Danish tribes together into one kingdom, much like Bluetooth brings fixed or mobile devices together.

The logo was made up of King Harald's initials written in Bind Runes (Mixing Runes to make nouns, sort of) "" that guy and " " that peep there.

I can see it.

I Told You This Post Would Happen; Why is "Virgin" called "Virgin"?

Virgin.

No, I'm not trying to insult you badly. I'm reminding you of my earlier post when I mentioned I wanted to know where the name Virgin for the Virgin Media company came from. I have found who deserves a slap for this. I have found who deserves naming and shaming for COUNTLESS years of 11 year olds giggling everywhere over this company's name. I have found who can be blamed for 13 year old me getting bullied for having "Virgin" plastered all over my phone. It got worse when I couldn't even get "Virgin signal" Yeah. Ha ha.

Tessa Watts.

Yep. It was a woman. Tessa Watts was a "friend" [with benefits] of Richard Branson when he first kick-started Virgin Records and she thought it'd be GREAT to call it Virgin because they were "Virgins" to business.
Well that's sweet.
Just let me ask. If Mark Zuckerburg had woken up that morning and thought to himself "It'd be cute if we call it www.virgins.co.uk, because we're all new to this whole social networking thing" Would you still use it everyday? Would you download the "Virgin" app? Would you have a QR code tattooed on your arm that lead to your "Virgin Page"?

I wouldn't.


Just a thought.

Oh and this was their logo beforehand: Sexy isn't it. I prefer it. At least it features two, lesbian looking virgins. You called it "Virgin", may as well be obtuse about it.

This.

Thanks to my work colleague. Also known as my friend. Sean.

I Expect a Spoon, and You Hand me a Bottle?!

Here it comes again. *Purses brain's cheeks*

I bought a notebook a few days ago to keep a note of blog-ideas on the go and it seems to be filling pretty fast. So here are a few of the smaller ideas all at once o-o
To begin: A little thought on Warhammer 40k. The Bloodthirster? Big rawr-y dragon boy with nice wings? Yeah. Him. and the Avatar of Khaine. Made for eachother. That's all I should need to say. Perfect couple. However- After scouring the internet, apparently I'm pretty alone in this thought. Pictures will be drawn and uploaded.

Secondly: Indiana Jones compensating with that whip of his? Makes him a little less attractive, doesn't it. Also the fact that he must be old enough to be my generation's Father. Kinda creepy. Not in a Johnny Depp way though. He's father-old and still hot.

Thirdly: I was sitting in town waiting for my mother to come and pick me up. Yeah, I still do that at my age. Problem? No. Good. Shut up.
I saw English builders- not reliable Polish builders, but proper butt-crack-showing British builders. WORKING. Actually, genuinly doing work. Fine. Don't believe me.

Fourth--ly: I went to a pub for tea tonight and as I held out my hand to recieve the traditional coloured wooden-spoon to mark my table number that I always get great joy from hitting people with, the barmaid completely caught me off guard when she handed me over a full-sized vodka bottle painted up all pretty. It was a wonderful change. Little things. Little things keep my life interesting.

So. Yeah. Family guy's on. *looks shifty*


*bolts out of a window*

In Other News! Torture! Yeah.

So my first Todd McFarlane toy arrived today in the mail. I wasn't excited to hear the postman wake me up with the doorbell, but I was excited to see my name on the package. I've purchased three of them and will do a little review-y on all of them, and maybe some more I get in the future. If I do get anymore. The one I got recently was one of Clive Barker's "Tortured Souls" series 2. The're a new set I've found recently and... frankly. I love them. The detail is astounding, the concepts are scary and frightening and the packaging is user-friendly. Ish.
Firstly- I think that these packages were meant to be kept as display-boxes as opposed to actually being opened as there's no easy way to get into it without ripping it to pieces with scissors *sad face* but I really think seeing the toy in 360 degrees instead of what you can see through the packaging is worth it considering the attention to detail that is obvious EVERYWHERE on the figure, not just the front. No hideous screws or loose patches on the backs.
The modelling and painting is exquisite, and I urge you all to go and check out SPAWN.com immediately.
The model itself is exactly that, it's a model. Not a figure or a toy, really. They don't move, there's not a tonne of posability (If any at all) but mine has come with pretty nifty accesories. I get a detachable tray that seems to be collecting blood from one of his severed limbs and a hannibal-like mask is in there too that goes on and off his face. I love it.

Hannibal and Dennis Neilson would be proud.

Get Your Frankfurter in my Honey! Breakfast's Up!

 12:30pm Brunch time.

Step 1]
Begin by grilling cheese onto bread and grilling bacon to accompany cheese and bread.

Step 2]
Gather honey, butter and half an onion [Half for one person, a whole one for two] Fry the butter, honey and onions in a frying pan and toss about a bit until they go golden/brown *thumbs up* Pop onto your grilled cheese and bacon.

Step 3]
Cook you up a jar of Frankfurters and cut in half, lay on the bed of honey-onions.













Step 4] Add ketchup and nom like you've never nommed before.












Additional step 5] For onion-haterz or if you're not in the mood for wafer-thin mints after your meal. Add an egg.

50 Shades of OH MY GOODNESS

Just finished 50 Shades of Grey. OH MY GOODNESS. I will refuse to spoil it right now. I will write an upcoming review on said book when more people have had the chance to read it, but I will just say.
I AM CRYING.

I refuse to tell you if it's out of happiness or devastation.

When Someone Says "A Stroll" They Don't Usually Mean 5 Miles

So casually today, me and a group of homies [That's "Friends" to all of you who aren't familiar with slang] decided to walk from our home town Guildford to the far away lands that is Godalming. The weather was harsh, the rivers were trecherous, the Pimms was cool and the food was good. The company was spectacular.
At the beginning, just before we left one of my friends [We'll nick-name her "Goff" for the purposes of this post] she confided in me that she had had quite the milk-kerfuffle. She figured, it would get hot as it was quite a warm day [when we left] and so she had attempted to keep it cool with the use of ice cubes. She worried that it may get a little diluted when the ice cubes melted.
and that's when the conundrums started.
1] As another of my friends pointed out, surely it wouldn't matter if the milk got warm since "It's warm when it comes out of the cow"
and
2] The milk was going to be used in tea anyway, which is 99% water. So surely, it gets pretty diluted anyway...
Any thoughts on this milk-kerfuffle. Please comment.

Two friends took a wee in a pill box we found still erected from the war.

We all got merry and wended our way home on the train, to which I was delightfully subjected to Goff quoting Shakespeare all the way. I love her.
Two of us went back to Goff's house where I insisted that to gentle the obvious effects of the Pimms she had drunk, she ate a bacon sandwhich and some tea that I made for her. I think she felt better. Since bacon makes everything better.

Click *like* if you love your mum. Or just go and tell her, she'll appreciate that more.

I love my mum.
And this picture pretty much explains why.

Over the last few years, I have found it increasingly popular to hear kids my age and younger saying that they "Hate" their parents. Now it's always said in a very fleeting manner, and always subsides a few days later but it's always over something silly. Like they've punished them for doing something wrong. That's not grounds to "Hate" a parent and to me- there are very VERY few reasons for anyone to "Hate" their parents. I understand that I am hugely lucky to have both parents who have always been married and love eachother very much, but it still hurts to hear people saying they hate their parents. I've never said it and for all I can tell, I won't ever say it. I love my mum and my dad and that's never going to change. They brought me into this life, and so I owe them quite a lot. I wouldn't have put up with me as a kid as long as they did o-o

So here's to the mums and dads out there who deserve the love.

Mushy post is mushy.

Wrinkly Toothpaste? Challenge Accepted.

This morning I was brought pizza in bed for breakfast at 12:34pm. Be jelly.
Before eating though, it's obviously the correct thing to do to remove the fuzzy feeling from one's teeth before eating by cleaning one's fangs. So off I popped to the bathroom and I am faced with my first moral-challenge. On the windowsill sat a perfectly brand-new, un-opened tube of toothpaste. On the sink however, there lay, staring up at me with it's old, wise snout a tube of wrinkly, weeks-old rolled-up toothpaste. Being a child of the internet, my first thoughts were "Challenge accepted"

I won said challenge and had perfectly shiny teeth after using every strength I had to roll just another inch out of that tube.

After an un-ending further battle with my TV aerial over which channels it could find suitable signal for and which ones it couldn't, I gave up and grabbed my recently purchased copy of Resident Evil 4: Wii edition.
Now then. I vowed, a very long time ago that I would never touch that game with a barge pole again ever since playing it with someone who was so obsessed with it they got a tattoo of the "umbrella" on their back... o.e
But, I vaguely remembered playing a wii version that was a rail shooter. They're my favourite- Point and shoot games are wonderful when done well and I was really looking forward to it.
==Warning! Vague Spoilers!==
So at the beginning of the game, the cop who's accompanying you to go find the president's daughter gets out, take a slash, is watched by something and gets back in again. Pretty standard. When you get to the "edge of a village" they kick you out to go and "look around" This instruction is---- not too suitable for the controls as there's no "look around" option. To get the camera to look where you want, you have to be staring RIGHT at it. The wii fell over at this point a little as there's only one control stick. Later, by myself [more on that in a minute] I found a very poor "look around" option which doesn't work quick enough to see the zombies with axes before they were hacking into my skull like pscyhotic clowns. Anyway, after running out of ammo, not being told how to reload by the game that just throws you into the deep end with no guidance and vainly throwing the wii remote around to use the "knife" I got killed within 15 minutes and gave up. I'll try again when I can be bothered to have to focus on moving AND shooting as opposed to pointing and shooting. Need to find out which one that was... maybe number 0?


ANYWAY- Just ordered a tonne of Todd McFarlane's Spawn toys. Pretty stoked for recieving them in the post ^^ Going to be spending my next paycheck on some more. They're so pretty. Check here for what I'm on about if you don't know.

Brain Pavement Pizza

==Warning! Brain Vomit!==

So on the 8th [See "Brain Vomit"] I told you lot about the first ever "Skype Interview" that I had set up. I said how I was all "Oh god, I'm going to have to be formal and scary and not me" I don't know why I bothered getting worked up. The dude was lovely, really easy to get on with. I'm very excited to even have been considered for the place and won't know anything until next Monday, but fingers crossed ^^ I don't think I scared him too much with my persona, since he didn't flinch when I spoke and didn't end up standing up and walking out in shame/pain/utter disgust. Which is always a nice place to start. I find.

In other news!
My pizza just got here. Brb, folks.

I'm Your Venus, I'm Your Fire...

So, sitting in the sexual health clinic (Picking up more anti-baby pills) the radio is quietly poking some music into the tense near-silence of the waiting room. You know that sort of silence that says "There's 5 people in here.... statistically--- one of us has an STI" Anyway, as I calmly realise it's been a whole 20 minutes waiting time already, some familiar lyrics make all of the people in there prick their ears up. "Ooh, she's got it, yeah baby she's got it. Ooh, I'm your venus, I'm your fire- your desire" We all had a small chuckle and felt how ironic it was. I love moments that bring complete strangers into some sort of understanding with eachother. Even if this connection lasts less than a few minutes.
Part 2 of my exciting [and hideously lengthy] trip to the waiting room had me approached by the little lady who runs admin at the front desk. She approached me with a blue token and told me that "We've been bought by Virgin Care and they're pretty serious about their customer feedback, please just place the token in a box over there that you find reflects your visit here today" with a smile she was off. I'm going to skillfully and very maturely ignore the fact that the company that now owns them is called "Virgin..." [Whoever named that company needs a slap. Future post right there I think]
Now, I being a kindly, helpful citizen was more than happy to take part and at the end didn't hesitate to approach the box marked with both a smiley face and "10/10" However, I couldn't help but feel that the statistics among us who leave with the news that they've caught chlamydia from the friendly neighbourhood postman will be a tad biased. Although I found it perfectly easy to base my "score" on the staff, facilities and my visit there, others with less fortunate news may judge their score on what they didn't recieve from the friendly staff, but instead--- their one night stand.

In other news.
One Direction have split. I hope that lots of you have gone "I don't know what that means" and to you people, I commend you. To you who are jumping around and doing a computer-chair dance. You can be my friends. and to those who have just widened your eyes at the computer, whailed loudly and begun to cry. Please go and listen to something decent.

Click here for the slightly less biased [and a little more factual] story. 

DOG

People of the world.
You know when someone shows you something scientific and you have a period of about 5 minutes when you try and argue about whether something's a theory or a proven fact and then you're sitting thinking "Pff, nothing's "proven fact" since it's all subjective" and your mate is still insisting that because a scientist told him so, it must be true?
'cause I've got my own theory, sheepies. Electricity is NOT electrons. Screw your "proven" fact. There's a giant battery in the sky and tiny, invisible unicorns run the power down to us. Time lords power the battery and fill it with the unicorns. One day those unicorns will run out.


This is what happens to me at 12am... Also- this is what my brain turns into:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y9K18CGEeiI

Enjoy. And you're welcome.
It loops. Let it in.

Just Some Brain Vomit

=Warning! Brain Vomit* Ahead=

*Brain vomit is my term for a post or any written material on something that is personal and doesn't effect anyone but myself. But might be entertaining to read anyway.

So tomorrow is going to be full of new experiences for me.
First off- it's the first Monday in weeks that I'm going to have to be up before 12pm. That's not the hard bit. The hard bit is that recently I've been applying to a large handful of internships and apprenticeships. The first person to reply has been the CEO of the huge social network website Glopho.com [check it out] He emailed me with both his personal and work skype addresses and wants to talk to me about the internship position tomorrow at 11am. Setting up this meeting was VERY brief and now I'm worried he meant in person. As opposed to on skype. If he does, he's going to be sorely dissapointed with my--- absence.
Anyway- How on earth am I supposed to compose myself? I am quite a bouncy, usually spotaneous and outlandish person and suddenly I'm expected to be a very professional being with a smart sense of humour and a liking for skirts, whisky and office supplies.
Luckily for me, having a job in a stationers and being MUCH too enthusiastic about my job, I have the latter but I hate skirts with a passion and my sense of humour has been described as anything but "smart" in the past.

So wish me luck as I try and be someone who I'm not before I can justify being a bit different. I would say "I don't like being a sheep" but-- that would be a lie. I mean that fluff is just top class. So instead, fitting with the metaphor. I don't like to be a fish. They follow eachother the same way but are smelly, and--- sometimes taste better and are less social.

A sheep once wiped its snotty nose on me. Did I freak out and scream? No.
My eyes went wide and I nearly cried with cute.

Yes, I am good friends with my insanity. Thanks for asking. You didn't ask? Like hell you didn't. I heard you.

So the next new thing, a bit better is that I've managed to double-book myself. Nearly. I've agreed to meet a work colleague at 12, so if I run over with Glopho-man I'm definitely going to be late. and then in the evening I'm meeting a friend I've never met before but have known for a few months now ^.^ I hope he doesn't turn out to actually be a mop, like last time.... That got awkward. Wondered why he didn't return my calls....

Jealous of a moth? You will be.

Oh what a glorious thing to be, an atlas moth or a busy busy bee.

Mostly an atlas moth though. These guys are amazing. After a recent conversation with the fountain of knowledge I've been lead to believe is my sister- I found out that these guys lead possibly the best lives in the world. As a child, they eat. And eat. And eat. And then eat some more. They're not the prettiest things in the world. Actually- they're pretty hideous.

In the words of my dear sister "Well hello there, handsome"

and after they've lead a short lifetime with only one purpose: to eat. They then curl up in a warm casing and sleep. They sleep in every morning, take some time in the afternoon to doze off and then sleep at night a healthy lot of hours. And when they wake up they turn into these gorgeous buggers:

 Jealous yet? You will be. When these guys wake up. They spend the rest of their lifetime floating about a bit, just to have some casual sex, make some hot-winged butters preggers and then they sit down. For the rest of their life. That's right, they pootle about, have sex, sit down and stay there.

I don't know about you, but I've been enlightened.

The Donut of Dreams

You'll find a lot of food on this blog.
This Donut--- deserves its own post.
It was the best donut known to man. THE BEST.
I got it when I went to the beach with the rest of the pack. We sat and watched some dudes with boards on the sea with kites. Who came up with that sport? I can only imagine the thought process:
"It'd be cool to fly. Cool to be FREEZING cold, and soaring through the air for about 3 seconds before crashing down into freezing sea"
To be fair, it was pretty impressive to watch. When they landed properly. There was one guy out there who hadn't got the same level of experience as the others. He crashed back down, face first, and his kite got all soggy and wouldn't catch the wind. I imagined he felt the same feeling normal people with normal hobbies feel when we try and strut past someone who is looking- and we trip over. Mortification to the highest standard. The worst part? We will dwell on that trip ALL day, possibly even longer than that. When the people who saw us trip would have forgotten about it completely hours ago. We're so silly.

So here's that donut:

 Yeah, that's a jubilee cupcake back there. Apparently that was pretty tasty too. I had two of those bad boys while I was there. For tea. Because tea is good when it's fried dough coated in chocolate *dribbles* DAMN THAT PHOTO. Now I need one :(

The Mouthgasm: Sounds disgusting, Sounds sexual.

The mouthgasm. A stack of all of the most delicious, easily accessed foods in the world. Every fridge stocks them, every household can breed them. Less than 20 minutes preperation and cooking time, a tiny bit of multi-tasking required- but if your wife is doing her job right, then she should be on standby ready to make you one anyway.

'How do I make one of these heavenly sammiches?' I hear you say.
Well, I don't because you're too far away. Shut up, Kate.
Right.

Step 1
Grate an unreasonable amount of cheese. When in doubt- Cheese it out.

Step 2
Pretend you're a man and cook some BACON. Place all of the cheese onto four pieces of bread on a grill pan and place cooked bacon on there too. Cover it in a little blanket of cheese to keep it warm.

Step 3
Cook some EGGS

Step 4
When the cheese has melted so much it's screaming in agony; take it out and pop on top the chicken periods. I mean eggs. Top with LASHINGS of ketchup.

Step 5
Find a handsome bloke to stand and hold it with a spatula so it looks partially like it was him who made it. Use instagram.

Little Spongebobs

Everyone has their own view on how their brain works. Some think of it as a computer; information goes in, it's processed and then something comes out. Some think of it as a cloud of colours and words and numbers all floating around in brain-juice. I however, got my brain-system from one of my guilty pleasures. Spongebob. DON'T JUDGE ME.

Within his brain, Spongebob has tiny spongebobs running about all doing various tasks and looking after bits of information. I have a strong feeling that this is also true for my brain. Before a phone conversation, one of these spongebobs helps me to contrust a list of keywords that relate to all the things I want to say within that conversation. However, I find as soon as the other person says "hello" everything goes to hell and I forget it all.

Damn you, other people.

So... No one liked Spiderman [SPOILERS]

 ==MASSIVE WARNING OF SPOILERS==

Well, screw you general majority- because I loved it. I'm not going to sit here and tell you all the holes I found in it. Wait. Of course I am. So there were plot holes. Quite a few of them, quite obvious ones. One of the most obvious ones was when he's hanging off a bridge, one hand on his web, the other desperately clinging to some hot-shot's kid and he still finds a spare limb to pop his mask back on with. At the end of the film when cap. Stacey is helping spidey out on top of the Oscorp Tower--- in the final shot when they pan out. Where did he go? o_o
The main, defining lines that the Lizard pops out during the trailer weren't said D: Especially "If you want to know the truth, Peter, come and get it" Another crap thing; Peter Parker very suddenly turns into a bit of a cocky prat when spidy which is upsetting after he spends the first hour of the film convincing us he is otherwise.
Those are the only bad things about this film and the rest of it is just wonderfully done. Considering it was made from the same brains that thought up *shudders* The Fantastic Four, it was quite the achievement. They very skillfully skimmed over Parker's parents' death with a split second blink-and-you-miss-it mention on a website the flashes "Plane crash kills..." So I think I smell an avengers/spidey crossover coming ^^ Since in the comics, it was Red Skull that kills Parker's parents, I look forward to that storyline coming to light in the films. The Lizard himself was portrayed wonderfully and although I'm skeptical about the new franchise starting Norman Osborne's storyline for a second time, the little clip-it of his character at the end of the credits was pretty exciting.

P.S Marvel, bring back sandman one more time and I will cut you.

http://www.theamazingspiderman.com/

How Red Riding Hood Ended

So last night, I was talking to some silly scottish person who told me that wolves didn't swallow things whole. I told him this was obviously bull as otherwise, when the axeman came and cut the wolf open, dear old Grandma in there wouldn't have got out alive. Everyone knows that. My picture shows how the final scene of Red Riding Hood [the one they always avoid drawing in the books] would have looked. Granny is naked because THE WOLF STOLE HER CLOTHES. It's a very important part of the book. I think my first post has gone well. Apologies for the 'ghost-of-previous-grandma' on the left there. We all make mistakes.